i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize