cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
