Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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