playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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