im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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