I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
