That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
