So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
