walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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