Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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