I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
