I don't remember. Are we still dating?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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