I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
