Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
