my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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