he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
