a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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