I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
