Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
