I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
