Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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