So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
