i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
