I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
