Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
