i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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