Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
