It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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