I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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