he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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