It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
