i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
