Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
