I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
