Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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