I'm really into asian looking animals
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
