I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
