____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
