he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
