why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize