I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
