Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
