i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
