i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
