Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
