rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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