there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
