I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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