I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
