You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
