Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
