i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
