Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
