the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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