My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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