bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
