Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
