dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
