Whatcha textin bout Willis?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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