So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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