Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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