call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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