I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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