U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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