You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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