Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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