I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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