you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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