I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
