When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
