So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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