WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
