Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
