Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
