I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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