Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
