I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
