my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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