I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
