How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
