Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
